Blog 5: Discipline
Photo by @gettyimages
When you hear the word “discipline,” you might think of strictness, rules, and punishment. But discipline is with us every minute of the day, whether it’s saying no to that second biscuit, deciding it’s time to tackle that DIY job, or resisting the weak excuse that could sabotage your best-laid plans to get fit. Discipline takes many forms, and we often struggle with staying consistent, whether following a predetermined plan or resisting spontaneous distractions that derail our good intentions.
When we think about teaching discipline, the stereotype of a uniformed figure barking orders might come to mind. As an ex-Royal Navy Physical Training Instructor, people often assume discipline in my world involved shouting commands and enforcing strict obedience. While that stereotype exists, it’s far from the complete picture.
Discipline as a Positive Force
Discipline is closely linked to resilience and a positive mindset. If you visualize the comfort zone model, it looks something like this:
- Comfort zone – A place of familiarity where no growth occurs.
- Stretching/Learning zone – The sweet spot for development and growth.
- Panic zone – Where tasks feel overwhelming, leading to stress and disengagement.
Discipline follows a similar pattern:
- Centre of the circle – No discipline – Leads to complete chaos.
- Middles circle – Fair and consistent discipline – Creates an environment where people feel safe, supported, and encouraged to stretch themselves and grow.
- Outside circle – Harsh discipline (bullying, ridicule, verbal or physical punishment) – Breeds resentment, defiance, and insubordination, preventing any meaningful learning or development.
By stepping outside our comfort zones with consistent discipline, and establishing clear expectations, we create an environment where growth happens. If boundaries are crossed, there must be clear consequences, whether it’s following safety regulations like wearing PPE, maintaining respectful communication, or simply following through on commitments, like actually using that gym membership instead of just paying for it.
When you have the right environment and discipline has been adopted, people who may have disrupted the session, activity, or work environment feel comfortable leaving their egos and premeditated behaviours at the door before entering. I used to say, “Leave your Ultimate Warrior ego at the door and let’s work together to make the magic happen.”
Consistency and Inclusivity
The power of discipline lies in consistently enforcing rules without double standards. Within the CHEXS COMMUNITY framework, for example, safety rules such as wearing protective glasses apply equally to both adults and children. This promotes an inclusive atmosphere, ensuring everyone is responsible and accountable.
A shared sense of discipline nurtures both individual and group development, making safety and respect a priority for all. As highlighted in the Guardian article below on parental struggles with saying “no,” discipline and boundaries are essential in shaping behaviour.
Guardian article: “Mummy would prefer you not to do that”: How “No” Became a Dirty Word in Parenting
The Role of Saying “No”
Saying “no” can feel uncomfortable, but it plays a critical role in discipline. As a dad and someone who has worked with children since 2000, I know that consistency, clear boundaries, and positive reinforcement build trust. When “no” is delivered with reason and fairness, children understand it’s not about control or punishment but about their well-being.
Whenever possible, I offer an explanation or an alternative, ensuring that “no” isn’t perceived as arbitrary. The key is openness and honesty—remaining consistent, even when emotions run high, and resisting the distractions or manipulation that can challenge our discipline.
Photo by @gettyimagespro
Discipline and School Exclusions
If you look at the rising numbers of school exclusions, there are many contributing factors. However, from my 20+ years of working with young people, I’ve seen that many cases fall within one of the two extremes of the discipline spectrum:
- No discipline – A chaotic environment where children lack structure and positive role models.
- Harsh, punitive discipline – Leading to resentment, disengagement, and a lack of meaningful personal development.
Of course, other factors contribute to exclusions—such as not having enough positive opportunities to find their niche (see Blog 3). However, the catalyst is almost always linked to discipline.
Understanding the Root of Behaviour
Every action a child takes is rooted in emotions and needs. Rather than just reacting to behaviour, we must understand and address the underlying needs. Only then can we truly support young people in their growth and well-being.
Discipline isn’t about control—it’s about creating the right environment for learning, growth, and resilience. Let’s strive to approach it with fairness, consistency, and a deeper understanding of the challenges children face every day.
