Blog 6: Social Media Influences
Adolescence, Picking Up the Traffic from the Netflix Drama
Photo by @Pro-stock Studio
In Blog 2, we talked about the power of peer-on-peer support
Blog 4 reminded us of the value of play and nature, and Blog 5 focused on boundaries and discipline, not as punishment, but as structure that helps young people feel safe.
Each of these blogs points to something deeper. Something that sits at the core of how we help children and young people to thrive:
· A trusted relationship
· Consistency in that relationship
Now, with Netflix’s Adolescence drama hitting the soul of families across the country and recent national coverage showing just how far the influence of social media and toxic role models has spread, many parents are finally having those delicate conversations with their children, just like I did with my lad.
When Drama Reflects Reality
Every so often, a TV drama comes along that hits a nerve — and Adolescence, the new Netflix series, has done exactly that. It explores the online radicalisation of young boys through figures like Andrew Tate and others in the “manosphere.” Its impact has gone beyond streaming queues, landing in political debate and even the House of Commons, where Keir Starmer recently described it as exposing an “emerging and growing problem.”
The Guardian ran a powerful piece by Martha Gill unpacking not just the role of toxic influencers, but the wider systems that allow them to thrive. She highlights the rise of MRA culture, short for Men’s Rights Activists. While the name suggests support for men’s wellbeing, many MRAs exist in online spaces that fuel misogyny, status obsession, and resentment toward women.
“A central trait of MRA culture is that followers are obsessed with their status. But that fixation is also fuelled by social media platforms themselves, which revolve around improving your social standing and projecting it to others. That is one difference with real-world socialising, where overconfidence tends to be kept in check.”
In the real world, a knock to your ego might be laughed off and forgotten. Online, it can spiral. Social media doesn’t just serve content, it creates the perfect conditions for insecurity, polarisation, and a constant need for approval. That’s where
influencers like Tate step in, offering boys a sense of power and identity, but wrapped in misogyny, fear, and blame.
Gill goes on:
“He had the internet to read at night whereas I had Terry Pratchett and Judy Blume.”
That’s the difference. A generation of young people are growing up on dopamine-driven algorithms instead of books, balance, and real-world connection. These online spaces don’t just fill a gap, they outcompete everything else. Why go to the youth centre when your phone delivers status, attention, and belonging?
Read the full article: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/mar/23/adolescence-reveals-a-terrifying-truth-smartphones-are-poison-for-boys-minds?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other
Photo by @Omar Ramadan
The Bigger Picture: What Teachers Are Seeing
And it’s not just families who’ve noticed.
Teachers across the UK are raising serious concerns. A survey by the NASUWT union found that social media is now the number one cause of poor pupil behaviour in schools. Boys as young as 10 are refusing to speak to female teachers. They mimic online influencers, disrespecting women, barking at staff, blocking doorways, and spouting sexist or racist views.
The union’s General Secretary, Patrick Roach, called it a national emergency. He stressed that banning phones in class isn’t enough — we need a real strategy to build resilience and rebuild respect among young people. Read the full article: https://www.theguardian.com/education/2025/apr/19/teachers-warn-rise-misogyny-racism-uk-schools?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other
What About the Children Missing from This Conversation?
What about the children who don’t get to have these conversations? The ones who never get the chance to find their niche or build their self-esteem?
Without safe spaces, trusted adults, and consistent guidance, young people are left to figure things out on their own. And when that happens, the internet steps in to fill the gap.
If they’re constantly exposed to one type of content, with no balance or challenge, they become polarised. Algorithms don’t care if content is healthy or harmful, they care if it keeps you watching. One video about dominance or mistrust becomes five, becomes fifty. And before long, it becomes truth.
It becomes training.
Training Grounds That Don’t Belong in Childhood
If young people are continually exposed to a particular environment, online or otherwise, then they are being trained by that environment. Trained like it’s the real thing, so when real life happens, it just feels like another drill.
That kind of training works in the military. But not in childhood.
Especially not when the messages are rooted in fear, bravado, and closed-minded thinking. In a society that values culture, connection, and compassion, we need young people who can embrace difference, not fear it, who recognise shared values over perceived threats.
A Night Walk That Changed Everything
When I tutored a group of lads at North London Secondary School, many were seen as alpha males, with big reputations in school and across their postcodes. The way they walked, talked, and carried themselves was like armour. For many of them, that armour had become part of their identity. Confrontation wasn’t unusual, it was just part of life.
We’d often talk about the idea that “a stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet.”
“That lad you’ve never spoken to, if you met him in a different place, at a different time, you might actually be mates.”
But real connection only happens when the environment allows it.
That’s why I loved our night walk tradition during residentials. By Thursday night, something always shifted. I’d take the lads into the woods, no phones, no lights, just us, the dark, and a few ghost stories.
And suddenly, these “warriors” dropped their guard. They clung to me, laughed nervously, whispered to each other, and slipped back into something precious, childhood. No bravado. No performance. Just boys being boys.
That’s what safe, trusting spaces can do.
And just be kids again
Photo by @Monkey Business
From Classroom to Confidence
More recently, CHEXS has been working with new groups of students on the CHEXS GROWTH Programme. Just like before, building trust and respect hasn’t happened overnight. It takes time, consistency, and real interest in who they are.
It starts with conversation. Talking to them about what matters, shaping sessions around things that feel familiar. Bit by bit, trust builds. And with trust, comes change.
One lad really stood out. His parents were amazed:
“There’s no way he’d clear up after himself. He never comes back when he’s told. And he’d definitely never step up to give a safety brief to his peers.”
But after a few weeks, he did all those things. Because he felt seen. Because he felt respected. Because he felt safe.
When we spoke to his parents, and shared the approach:
· Structure and preparation
· Enthusiasm and energy for the child
· A strong presence, with a gentle touch
· Praise and prompt, with a listening ear
· Flexible but consistent support
· Celebrating every achievement, big or small
· And making sure all adult family members understand the approach and are supported, not undermined, to follow these techniques at home
The result? Stronger behaviour at home, stronger connection at school, and a child starting to believe in himself.
Why Time and Trust Beat a Quick Fix
There are loads of well-meaning interventions out there. But anyone who knows me, or has read anything I’ve written, knows I don’t believe that’s what’s needed.
We need opportunities, not quick fixes.
Young people need time to find their calling, and to build life skills like problem solving, communication, teamwork, understanding how they learn, and becoming confident leaders.
A 30-minute talk from someone who’s “been there” or a three-week programme might tick a box. But in my experience, if we want deep, lasting change, we need:
· Time
· Tangible activities
· Consistency
· Safe, trusted relationships
I’ve spoken many times about the CHEXS 30-week GROWTH programme, not to sell services, but to open up a conversation. To show what’s possible when we create joined-up support in schools, youth centres, church halls, parks, or even outside the local off-licence.
Wherever it happens, we need to help children stay children. To feel safe, have fun, and grow up without being fast-forwarded into a world they’re not ready for.
Values That Unite Us
We’re often too quick to point fingers. But we all have a responsibility to help our young people thrive.
There will always be reasons why people might not get along, race, gender, sexuality, religion. But let’s stop boxing whole communities into labels. There will always be bad people, but they don’t represent the whole.
Let’s focus on the values that make us human:
· Personal values — like honesty, ambition, compassion
· Cultural and social values — like justice, freedom, family
· Organisational values — like teamwork, sustainability, and purpose
Let’s connect those values. Let’s stop judging by perception and start building strong ties across our communities. Because when we collaborate, we share resources, support each other, and make a bigger impact.
We can’t turn off the internet. But we can compete with it.
By creating real, human spaces where young people feel safe, supported, and inspired, we give them a powerful alternative.
We give them a chance to step out of training mode…
And just be kids again
